From the inimitable Babylon Bee:
JERUSALEM — Citing newly uncovered writings from Greece, Rome, and Jerusalem, biblical scholars are now saying the shockingly rapid growth of the early church can be attributed to the fact that Christians were allowed to eat bacon.
“Save yourselves from this crooked generation! Believe in Jesus, the Messiah! And also, I had a dream last week and we can totally eat bacon now!” said Peter in one of his recently discovered early sermons given in a Jewish synagogue. “Seriously–have you people tried this stuff? It’s amazing! All the bacon you can eat! God told me it’s not unclean anymore! Wooo hooooo!” Read the rest.