Need a New Corset? You’re in Luck!

by Kerry Dougherty

Got a gangster in your family? How about a dominatrix? An altar boy?

Well, good news for all of them. Starting today and running through Sunday at midnight they can buy items they desperately need like bandanas, corsets and altar outfits. All without paying Virginia sales tax.

Yep, it’s the commonwealth’s annual Sales Tax Holiday weekend. Actually, it’s the “combined” sales tax holiday. A few years ago Richmond merged the spring “Hurricane Preparedness” tax break with August’s “Back to School” event, turning this into an extravagant weekend that allows you to shop anywhere from Home Depot to Victoria’s Secret. Tax free.

Combining the two holidays was smart. As someone who’s lived in hurricane country since 1984, I can tell you that absolutely no one shops for batteries, generators or even toilet paper until they see Jim Cantore lashed to a telephone pole in front of their house.

Asking Virginians to think about ‘canes five months before the height of storm season was always a stretch. Shoot, most of us will have a hard time dislodging ourselves from the beach this weekend to stock up on survival gear, with no serious hurricanes brewing in the Atlantic.

Human nature, I’m afraid.

But the back-to-school holiday has always been timely. And comical. While it’s a huge help to families to be able to buy shoes, shirts, skirts and trousers without paying the state at least an extra 5.3% (some areas pile on surtaxes), many of the items included in the list of tax-free apparel have absolutely nothing to do with education.

Not complaining. Any savings are welcome.

It’s just that some of the items look as if they were cooked up by octogenarians who are remembering their frocks from yesteryear. Click here for the quirky list.

Beach capes, for instance. I live at the beach. I have no idea what a beach cape is.

Corset and corset laces. I do know what these are. Either Halloween costumes or naughty nurse wear.

Garters and garter belts. Same.

Footlets. Again, no idea.

Legwarmers. Is “Footloose” playing somewhere?

Fur coats and stoles: Don’t tell PETA.

Clerical Vestments and Altar Clothing: Doesn’t the church provide those?

Suspenders. The last fellows to wear those were Daddy and John-Boy Walton. Perhaps this is a nod to Virginia’s favorite son, Earl Hamner, creator of “The Waltons.”

Vests: Excellent news for Gov. Glenn “Fleece Vest” Youngkin!

Beyond that, this is a good weekend to stock up on choir robes, steel-toed shoes, rubber pants – insert your own joke – lingerie and wedding apparel.

Now get out there and stock up!

This column has been republished with permission from Kerry: Unemployed & Unedited.

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7 responses to “Need a New Corset? You’re in Luck!”

  1. Lanterns = yes, but ‘NO’ for kerosene lamp oil? Don’t understand that.
    For that matter why not .45 ACP, 9mm, 5.56 and .223 = to keep the looters at bay.

    1. For that matter why not .45 ACP, 9mm, 5.56 and .223 = to keep the looters at bay.

      For hurricane season, yes.

      As long as you’re not suggesting they should be included as back to school items…

  2. Nancy Naive Avatar
    Nancy Naive

    “…they can buy items they desperately need like bandanas, corsets and altar outfits…”

    Corsets and altar outfits? Redundant.

  3. Everyone should update all of their corsets each hurricane season…

    And I don’t know how you can say garters and garter belts have nothing to do with education. I learned a lot the night I first saw a set of those up close and in person…

    1. James McCarthy Avatar
      James McCarthy

      What of necessary accoutrements like whips, handcuffs, masks?

      1. Whatever you’re going to need to survive the hurricane…

    2. Nancy Naive Avatar
      Nancy Naive

      Wait! I thought you grew up in western Virginia. Didn’t you have to be 21 to read the women’s side of the laundry list? Or did your house have Sears catalog?

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