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High
noon on Wednesday, the Harrisonburg- Rockingham
Chamber of Commerce hosted a community meeting at
the Massanetta Springs Conference Center with Gov.
Mark Warner.
All
of the usual suspects were in attendance -- local
politicians, the city mayor and county board of
supervisors members, the bureaucrats and educrats,
House of Delegates candidates Matt Lohr and Lowell
Fulk, the James Madison University elitists and
artisans, the Dems, the 'Pubs (who stood against the
back wall on the right side), the political
gadflies, the area media outlets - TV-3 and public
TV, the WSVA radio jockeys and Daily News-Record news
hounds, and a horde of political groupies.
Warner
Democratic motto: Give us
your old, your poor and your special-interest
organizations.
Hey,
Blue Dog! What's a political groupie, you ask?
Well,
these are the young Democratic ladies and men with
JMU political-science degrees who are dressed to
kill with the latest spring fashions (yes, I see
Easter egg pastels are in still vogue), with their
designer sunglasses propped on top of their new
hairdos while they search for a government handout -
a.k.a. a state-government job.
But
back to the community meeting.
The
public outing in the 'Burg was the first for the
Blue Dog in a while. The Dawg was incognito because
he's lost 45 pounds, grown a scruffy beard and
been working out at the local gym. (Yes,
the Dog's arms are as pumped up as much as his
dogmatized publishing ego.
)
It's
high noon, and there's no solid food to be found,
not even a little snack thingy. The Blue Dog stomach
is growling - or was that the huge wall clock
ticking?
12:03
... 12:06 ... 12:09 ...
Where
is our pampered Gov. Mollycoddle?
12:11
...
Gov.
Warner entered the building in his wrinkled attire,
tucking his shirt in his pants. His face looks
flushed, but is quickly energized by the crowded
room and applause.
It's
lights, camera, action.
Here's
Molly-c-o- ... err ... His Excellency?
Oh,
yes siree, Bob! Gov. Warner was introduced as
"His Excellency," as the esteemed ,well-traveled
and worn governor as he took center stage at the
annual springtime Valley political bore-fest.
(Dear
Virginia Citizens, how do you love your Mollycoddle?
Let me show you the ways I fund you.)
Warner
said, "You may be thinking, why did he call me
His Excellency?"
"That's
the formal title for the governor of Virginia,"
Warner modestly admitted.
After
all, Gov. Mark Warner is the original Realitician. That's
a politician who says what people want to hear, and
not the political reality of his tax-and-spend
state-government philosophy.
And
yet, Warner still will not admit his 2004 tax
increase was senseless and a budget overcorrection
with state growth and revenues trending in the
double-digits.
12:22
...
(Warner
takes wrinkled blue sports coat off and straightens
his lime green tie.)
Warner
highlight film
Ronald
Reagan said it best: "Government's view of the
economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:
If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate
it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it."
Gov.
Warner took credit for every GOP initiative this
past session, but there's nothing new with those
political shenanigans. But Mollycoddle assured us!
It was done without the party hat.
He
made light of the Democratic droopy-drawers and GOP
social-engineering legislation. But there were a
couple of glaring points that I thought stood out.
Transportation
and the gas tax.
First
off, Warner blames the federal government and
politicians who raid the trust fund for the lack of
transportation funding. But he likes Bush (this is
Bush Country).
Oh,
Mollycoddle! Don't you remember cutting the
transportation budget in 2002?
The
next statement was redonculous reasoning by the
governor ... (Redonkeyfunlous: A synonym for
Democratic funny and ridiculous notions.)
Warner
also blames transportation funding woes on the
"lack of an increase in the gas tax."
Oh,
yes! Gov. Warner said because gas-tax revenue is
declining while consumption is trending higher that
he needs to talk with the gubernatorial candidates
about a hike.
Blame
the citizens! According to Warner, Virginia citizens
must not being paying enough taxes with those
$2-a-gallon gas prices at the pumps. I say he's been
using the state gas credit card too much and needs
to look at those skyrocketing prices once in a
while.
Are
Jerry Kilgore and Tim Kaine ready for their pep talk
on raising gas taxes? Not a chance.
Hey,
Gov. Mollycoddle, these guys are talking
property-tax cuts!
Warner
also wants to link land-use and transportation
issues along with the Dillon Rule.
Oh
my, oh my! Don't mess with my Dillon Rule, buddy.
The
Blue Dog doesn't want to reside in Taxachusetts with
its Home Rule and numerous social programs of the
month and those disgusting local taxing authorities.
No
way! Boo hiss ... go Home, Connecticut Yankee
governor, Go Home.
Illegals
and gangs.
First,
Warner stated we are a nation of immigrants, and the
illegal immigrants do jobs we don't want. And
there's no national policy, no enforcement by the
feds. And that he likes Bush.
However,
Warner said, "Immigration bills had more to do
about politics," but he admitted to signing a
anti-illegal immigrant Medicaid bill, then assured
us that emergencies and children would still be
treated under Medicaid.
Oh
yes, Mollycoddle! Politics has everything to do with
your signing the anti-illegal immigrant bill.
Warner
said those Medicaid
bennies were to be abused by a legal person only -
I'm not kidding, either. He told the community
meeting that it's our fault.
In
the biggest gaffe of the question-and-answer
session, Warner said he was concerned about the
growth of gangs in Virginia, but ... but … but ...
but ...
He
added, "Illegal-immigrant gangs are not a
problem in the Valley."
The
Blue Dog ain't telling none of them Mollycoddle
lies, either. "Earth to Gov.
Mollycoddle-Moonbeam, Earth to Gov.
Mollycoddle-Moonbeam." Illegal immigration and
gang warfare are alive and well in the Shenandoah
Valley!
Then
the governor discussed how we reside in a global
world with all those illegal immigrants and the need
for more and more and more English as a second
language state funding.
Warner
also discussed the need to pay ESL teachers more and
more and more.
Oh
yes, indeed! Sometime Virginia citizens are very
happy, if not grateful, the Commonwealth still has
what Gov. Warner deemed that "crazy one-term
governor" law.
Holy
Bat Bill
This
week, His Excellency sent off a press release about
signing the state bat bill. But the governor's news
release included a limerick about the State Bat
House Bill 2579:
"I
took some grief for my nudist park pun.
"But resist I cannot on this one.
"I will sign this bill,
"more or less of free will.
"But I can't do it without having some fun.
"We
have a state dog and a fish and a bird.
"And of the fossil I’m sure you have heard.
"So why not a bat?
"What's wrong with that?
"The state beverage is no more absurd.
"Upon
my signature now it appears,
"The designation will now last for years.
"I'll spare you the Latin
"If you're seeking the bat in
"A guidebook, it's the one with big ears.
"I
think our bat's up to the test.
"If you doubt it, just ask Adam West.
"He was TV's Bruce Wayne --
"the caped crusader's real name --
"and could 'Zap!' and 'Kapow!' with the
best."
The
Blue Dog says this borders on the political
riduculousity because those juvenile, bone-headed
third-floor press releases have gotten totally
out of hand in the last term of the governor.
However,
the Blue Dog joined in the fun and poked back with a
little bat parody of his own.
"Meanwhile,
back in Richmond ...
"After
the Bat Bill-signing, Commissioner Gordon said
to Warner: 'Congratulations, Gov. Mollycoddle.
Your keen sartorial sense has done it again."
Robin
to the Commissioner: "Holy, BAT BILL!
"It's
sometimes difficult to think clearly when you're
constantly strapped to a campaign printing
press."
Batman:
"Indeed, Commissioner, Robin and I are
putting our 'Mark Warner for Senate 2006' decal
on the Batmobile to mark this batty-occasion."
Chief
O'Hara to Gordon: "Mollycoddle for U.S. Senate
... Begorrah!"
Commissioner
Gordon: "O'Hara, I have grown to realize there
are two basics in life that we can be sure of."
Chief
O'Hara: "Death and taxes? Baseball and
steroids? Batman and Robin?"
Commissioner
Gordon: "No, Chief ... Warner and taxes!"
Mollycoddle
metamorphistics
Congressional
source Dry Throat sent me a little ditty this week
that I just have to share …
An
economic disinformation for blogging can be synonymous
with advertising.
False
information that is presented as true is illegal
fabrication.
Manipulation
is using the information that is technically true
but used out of context in order to create a false
implication, thus fabrication versus manipulation
could be called bloggistics logistics.
Better
known as Mollycoddle Metamorphistics.
Don't
pout. No need to recount. There is absolutely no
doubt …
Warner
is running for U.S. Senate in 2006.
--
April 11, 2005
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