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Those
Schizoid Republicans
One
political party, multiple personalities... Can you
say, "Play Misty for Me"?
Schiz-o-phre-ni-a
(skit’ se fre’ ne a) n. A mental disorder
characterized by separation between thought and
emotions, by delusions, bizarre behavior, etc.
--Webster’s New World Dictionary
Love:
two minds without a single thought.
--Philip Barry (1896-1949)
If
the Lord can see His way to bless the Republican
Party the way it’s been carrying on, then the rest
of us ought to get it without even asking.
--Will Rogers
So,
you think a two-party system is bad?
Try three. That’s
what we have in Virginia now, three political
parties—one Democratic and two Republican.
Just
when you think things can’t get any goofier,
Richard
F. Neel, a former treasurer of the Republican Party
of Virginia, files a complaint with the United
States Department of Justice’s Office of
Professional Responsibility against Paul J. McNulty,
the federal prosecutor who happens to be Republican,
for "protecting" George Allen, Jerry
Kilgore, and other assorted lesser lights in the
infamous "eavesdropping" case.
And
speaking of goofy—how’s this for tough
bargaining? Republicans
"settled" that little mess for
$750,000—more than TWICE the legal exposure in the
case. Go
figure. I
guess it’s just that gift-giving time of year,
isn’t it? Or
maybe, just maybe, it’s something else. Like
keeping Kilgore off the witness stand?
Giving the ol’ Scout’s honor is one
thing. Getting
in the witness box under oath is something else.
(An
aside here. Is
it not refreshing, for once, to see and hear a
politician brag about how much he didn’t know
about something?)
Hey,
it’s Christmas! Let’s
give the kid a break.
Besides, Kilgore’s got his hands full.
And, no, I’m not talking about Tim Kaine.
Kilgore’s got his arms around all he can
tote way before he gets to Kaine.
Gilmore. The
mayor up in Warrenton.
He seems like a nice guy.
Probably some other folks still contemplating
getting in. Blood
in the water will do that.
And this two-party system is killing him.
Carrying one Republican Party on your back
would be bad enough. Try
carrying two.
Ask
the Republican chairman, the un-indicted one, Kate
Obenshain Griffin. I
nominate her for the "Cat Herder of the
Year" award.
Says
she in a recent let-fly:
“Virginians have sent a clear message in
overwhelming numbers that they are united behind the
values and principles of the Republican Party.”
Really?
Here’s
one for you, Kate. Which Republican Party would that
be? The "Flat
Earthers?" The
tax-and-spenders? The
borrow-and-spenders?
Or,
here’s a good one for you:
How about the "Cold-Fusionists?"
You know this crowd, the
say-it-long-enough-say-it-loud-enough folks among
you who themselves believe in something for
nothing—like highways that don’t cost money.
And
which "values and principles" do you
reference here? Go
over that one for me again, the "values and
principles" one.
And
while you’re mulling that one over, how about
giving a little thought to this one:
When is the Republican Party of Virginia
going to give any indication that the message was
received? When
is the Republican Party of Virginia going to give
some indication that any message was received?
Give us a sign.
A signal. Anything.
Here’s
the thing, Kate—here’s the message your Virginia
Republicans—both parties of them—did not get:
You won. You
can stop fighting. You
won, for crying out loud.
And,
no, I don’t bring this to your attention out of
some sense of chivalry.
I don’t mind that you all continue to skin
each other up way after the election is over—not a
bit. It’s
just that… well…
Santa
Claus is watching.
Editor's
Note: The original version of this column was dated
December 15.
--
January 4, 2005
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