No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Barnie Day

Outside the Hothouse

and Looking In

Political junkies, it's time to lighten up: The fate of the world does not revolve around the tax reform debate in Richmond.

If you’re reading this column, your comfort zone is Capitol Square, that closed environment, that hothouse, that dome, that biosphere of politics, and perhaps a 15-yard perimeter around it. Beyond that, Virginia belongs to "real" Virginians. 

You see, if you’re reading this column you’re a junkie.  You’re a policy wonk. You’re a political appointee, probably at or near the cabinet level. You’re a lobbyist. A big portion of your income is driven by what happens on Capitol Square. You’re a member of the media, or the legislature itself. Or you’re a hardcore partisan. Doesn’t matter which way.  Democrat or Republican. You’re a junkie.

You follow what goes on in Richmond. You know the players by name. "Real" Virginians don’t. They know the names of the "Survival" folks. You’ve probably never seen an episode. You watch "C-Span" and ‘Hardball’. They listen to John Boy and Billy. You, the dork you are, listen to NPR. Maybe "Imus". And you read the debate details like normal folks read the box scores. But guess what? You’re not normal. They are. You’re not. You’re a junkie. 

You give a damn about what happens in Richmond.  You think it matters. They don’t. Pure politics to you is an aphrodisiac. They mumble, shrug, and buy Viagra when they need it. You can get passionate about the minutia. They can’t. They could care less. They’ve got other issues sapping their energies, moving their emotions. More important things -- things we call collectively "Life". 

With this in mind, I’ve cobbled together a few notes for the budget folks that may be helpful in resolving this purely hothouse issue:

1. BELIEVE THIS: Most of the players — House, Senate, Governor’s Office — are operating from an honest base. Most of the players — House, Senate, Governor’s Office — really do want the same thing: a better Virginia.

2. DON’T BELIEVE YOUR OWN PRESS RELEASES:  This trap is easy to fall into, but hard to get out of. Edicts issued for reasons of partisanship, positioning, bargaining, etc., things having nothing to do with making a better Virginia, can become millstones around your spindly necks if you start to believe them, if you let them define you to yourself in other contexts.

3. IGNORE THE PUNDITS: This one included. We are the great coat-holders in the fist-fights of public policy. We all have constituencies. Some of us have agendas. But nobody elected us.

4. IGNORE, TOO, THE SCREECHERS: Ignore Grover Norquist, and Peter Whatshisname, and others of the self-appointed, unelected, glassy-eyed, I’m-here-to-save-the-universe ilk. They project relevance with the wheels and levers known previously only to the Wizard of Oz. They issue "alerts" and push polls, and such, but when it comes right down to it, these folks have about 10 followers statewide. Ignore them. They bring nothing to the table. They are the Grand Poobahs of Screech.

5. DON’T CONFUSE MOTION WITH DIRECTION: They are not the same. At least half the catawallers who actually have a vote in this debate do not know the difference.

6. DO LISTEN TO THE STAFFS: These are the people in state government who really do know what they’re doing. They’re smart. They work hard. Those in senior positions have been there a long time. Listen to these people, particularly the staffs of House Appropriations, House Finance, and Senate Finance. These folks have more budget knowledge in the tips of their little fingers than all the  members of the General Assembly combined — with two exceptions.

7. CALLAHAN AND CHICHESTER, THE TWO EXCEPTIONS: These two could settle it. If members of the legislature would put these two in a room with their respective staffs, and then go play tennis or catch Mel Gibson’s new movie, when they came back they would find what we’re all looking for — a better Virginia.

8. RESOLVE THE CAR TAX ISSUE ONCE AND FOREVER: You’re shirking your duty if you don’t address this one definitively.

9. LISTEN TO THE LOBBYISTS: That’s right.  Listen to these "special interests" folks, to a small handful in particular. Listen to the representatives of the Virginia Association of Counties, the Virginia Municipal League, the Virginia Education Association, the state employee representative, the law enforcement folks, and the transportation lobby. That’s not many. Six. Half a dozen. Sure, be nice to all of them. Listen to these six. They are like the staffers. They’re smart. They work hard. They know what they’re talking about. And they represent interests that really are special to us.

10. THERE ARE ‘WINS’ IN ALL THREE PROPOSALS: They are in Delegate Philip Hamilton’s proposal. They are in Senator John Chichester’s proposal. They are in Governor Mark Warner’s proposal They are there. Find them.

11. THE FILTER QUESTION: There are a lot of wannabes for this one. But they are vacuous pretenders. As you sort through these proposals, there can be only one that matters: Does this make for a better Virginia? 

And finally, this: I don’t mean to preach to you, junkie. It’s just that… well… I’ve got the habit, too. But I am in rehab. And I’ve got a new found piece of tough-love news for you. "Real" Virginians outnumber us by the millions. You’d do well to remember that.

-- March 1, 2004