Why I Can Hardly Wait for Self-Driving Cars


Del. Richard P. Bell, R-Staunton, has identified one of the most pressing public safety issues of our time: distracted driving. But his solution bothers me. According to WCVE News, he has re-introduced a bill requiring drivers to keep both hands on the wheel at all times.

Let’s be perfectly clear: People texting and yakking on their cell phones are a menace on the highway. They’re even a pain in the butt when they’re standing still. Have you ever been stalled at an intersection because some nitwit is jabbering on their phone and has no idea the light turned green? Hey, pinhead, you may have all day to sit in traffic, but the people behind you don’t!

In the great chain of being, I rank these lowlifes somewhere between telephone robo-callers and Nigerian email spammers.

Bell has seen a lot of knuckle-headed behavior on the roads and highways out in the Shenandoah Valley, from motorists driving with dogs in their laps to people reading newspapers while driving 80 miles per hour down the highway. Hey, lady, keep your mutt in the back seat of your car where he shove his face out the window! And, dude, are you really reading while driving? Do the world a favor and get an audio subscription!

But must we always drive with both hands on the wheel? Says Bell: “Virginia State Police tell me we have a crisis on our hands. And although you can’t always attribute it to distracted driving, the evidence surrounding a lot of these cases would indicate that.” His bill offers clarity, he says, by establishing a straightforward criteria for violations.

But… but… How could I radio surf unless I could take a hand off the wheel? How could I consult my smart phone navigation app? How am I supposed to eat my Big Mac — instruct it to levitate into my mouth? I don’t think Bell has thought things all the way through.