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(With
apologies to Geoffrey Chaucer)
Richmonde
Tales!
Whan
that Januarie with the speeches longe
The
delegates do singen al the songe
And
hence from al shires they wende
To
Holy Citee to legislate they be sende
And
smale groupes maken melodye
That
party al the nyght with open ye
So
priketh hem Nature in hir corages
Thanne
longen lobbyes to maken pilgrimages
And
governors to seken straunge funde
To
builden ferne hawles in Richmonde
And
al the members do
declaimer
That
each the other doth y blamer
For
al the ills the commonwealth hath kepte
That
hath come upon us while the other y slepte
And
when the Senate mouths yronne
It
striketh us as not so yfunne
Whan
that Aprille finally y comen
Al
folk hath holpen they begonen
The
silent chambers be the beste
To
give poor folk a little reste
Chip
Woodrum
Jay DeBoer
Table of Contents
Introduction:
This crazy, lovely river / Barnie Day
Contributors
Virginia
in the vanguard / Frank B. Atkinson
Prologue
/ Chip Woodrum and Jay DeBoer
Chapter
1―Looking Through the Rearview
Alan
Diamonstein / The way we were
Vincent
Callahan / Those were the days
Eva
Teig-Hardy / Smoke-filled rooms and
electrifying speeches: The General Assembly in the
1980s
Bill
Wood / The demise of Virginia Democrats
George
Allen / Listening, trusting, and serving the
people: The rise of the Republican Party in
Virginia
Thomas
R. Morris / Divided government is not a
disaster
Barnie
Day / Odd juxtapositions
Chapter
2—By Example
Paul
Harris / Sharpening my oyster knife
Jim
Dillard / John Warren Cooke—200 proof
Virginia gentleman
Patrick
McSweeney / Losing our greatest treasure
Barnie
Day / Elegant, exquisite judgment
Paul
Akers / Dad never “cut a hog”; I wish
he’d applied same policy to “withes”
Chapter
3―The Band Plays On
Paul
Goldman / A powerful politician caught between
two worlds
Jeff
E. Schapiro / Cloud still lingering over
Kilgore
Jeff
E. Schapiro / Miner takes his humor to RNC
job
Reginald
Shareef / A good year for Ware
Bob
Gibson / Time is right for statewide try for
Deeds
Barnie
Day / Zell Nation
Chapter
4―‘Scuse Me, Guv’nah
Barnie
Day / You can go home again
Dwayne
Yancey / Doug Wilder―woulda, shoulda,
coulda
Ed
Lynch / George Allen’s rising star
Jeff
E. Schapiro / “Big Boys” beginning to
grumble
Becky
Dale / Working papers, shirking papers
Melanie
Scarborough / Promise them anything, then raise
taxes
Margaret
Edds / Virginia’s “powerful governor”
myth has no clothes
Patrick
McSweeney / Here comes that bad penny—again
Chapter
5―It Ain’t Purty
Melanie
Scarborough / Loopy laws and loopholes
Margaret
Edds / A new dream guide to decoding Virginia
laws
Bob
Gibson / Making a statement, wasting time
Reginald
Shareef / Knowing the rules of the game
Charlie
Davis / Sausage patties or sausage links?
Bob
Gibson / Squabbling siblings need each other
Ed
Lynch / Where good legislation goes to die
Kerry
Dougherty / Short session limits trouble the
Assembly can get into
Margaret
Edds / A brave new world looms at Virginia
Capitol
Tony
“The Minister of Vice” Troy / How it
sometimes works
Chapter
6―Live and Let Live
Kerry
Dougherty / Don’t tell me I’m not free to
mess up my health
Patrick
McSweeney / A matter of life
Kerry
Dougherty / “Choose” and “life” add up
to two extremely politically prickly words
Chip
Woodrum / The Schiavo case and revisiting the
Hugh Finn case
Paul
Akers / With partial-birth veto, Gov. Moderate
bows to party’s primitives
Chapter
7―We Hardly Knew Ye
Dick
Saslaw / Memory of a dear friend, Emily Couric
Barnie
Day / Remembering Ed Willey
Margaret
Edds/ A Virginia original passes from the scene, too
soon
Jeff
E. Schapiro / Hunter Andrews’ spirit lives
on, loud and clear
Barnie
Day / Remembering A. L. Philpott
Chapter
8—The Rise of Vance Wilkins
George
W. Grayson / Virginia’s Republican Moses
Vance
Wilkins / Accountability in the Promised Land
Chapter
9―Busted Flat
Steve
Haner / Transportation still gets no
respect
A.
Barton Hinkle / This hot idea could solve the
congestion conundrum
Margaret
Edds / Spinning our wheels on Virginia’s
highways
Jim
Bacon / Car(pool) crash
Kerry
Dougherty / Most of us enjoy our own cars too
much to carpool
Jim
Bacon / Straws in the wind
Patrick
McSweeney / It’s time to try a new model
Steve
Haner / Courage―or commonsense?
A.
Barton Hinkle / State’s political elite
agree: It’s time to make matters worse
Chapter
10―Makes You Want to Holler
Bob
Marshall / A pilgrim’s diary: “Hey, God!
Over here! It’s me! Bob!”
Joe
Bageant / Let’s drink to the slobbering
classes
Barnie
Day / A blow for justice
Brian
Gottstein / Free home computers, Internet
access for the poor? Enough!
A.
Barton Hinkle / During emergencies, let’s
hear it for price-gouging
Kerry
Dougherty / Lawmakers could use a lesson in Nun
Sense
Kerry
Dougherty / Underselling competitors could soon
be a Virginia no-no
Kerry
Dougherty / Don’t believe what you hear about
the DMV…it’s worse
Melanie
Scarborough / So much bunk about buckling up
Brian
Gottstein / Should General Assembly continue to
legislate safety zones for criminals?
Chip
Woodrum / Librarians to bear arms for order
Barnie
Day / Courage is facing cancer
Chapter
11―Do the Right Thang
Paul
Akers / Witchshaft
A.
Barton Hinkle / Blacks may deserve reparations
for segregated schooling
L.
Douglas Wilder / Why not state funds for Brown
scholarships?
Paul
Goldman / 400 years later
Melanie
Scarborough / Southern—and proud of it
Barnie
Day / Take down “Cooter’s” flag
Reginald
Shareef / Keep adultery laws on the books
Kerry
Dougherty / Lawmakers should focus first on
bare necessities
Margaret
Edds / Guilty plea, innocent man shadow
legislative debate
Margaret
Edds / Virginia again sets itself up for future
apology
Jeff
E. Schapiro / Put his money where his mouth is?
Not Wilder
Chapter
12—Candid Camera: Welcome to the House of
Delegates (Photography by Bob Marshall, text by
Barnie Day)
“I’ll
flip you for it.”
“Wonder
if he knows that’s really a can of Frisky
Kitty?”
“You
got any of them drug samples on you?”
“What
are you doing with my boa?”
“Mr.
Speaker, I saw a damn rat in the basement this
big!”
“It
seemed like a good idea to me.”
“Which
one are you?”
“A
straight beats three of a kind, doesn’t it?”
“Did
a bee sting you on that lip, Sheriff?”
“You
think anybody’ll ever see this?”
“Taking
sneaky pictures is a ‘no-no.’”
Chapter
13―This is Politics
Kerry
Dougherty / Why are Democrats whining over
redistricting?
Joyce
Wise Dodd / Fightin’ in the Ninth
Chip
Woodrum / Letter from Salt Lick
Preston
Bryant / On Labor Day, coal miners, and being a
Republican
Preston
Bryant / Eastern stars
Patrick
McSweeney / Blurring party differences
Kerry
Dougherty / A horse race beats being saddled
with questionnaires
Barnie
Day/ Out on work-release? Call the RPVA
Mark
Rozell / Delivering the votes for Bush from the
religious right
Paul
Akers / Chichester next Tuesday: Drive a stake
through the heart of poisonous politics
Barnie
Day / Virginia FREE
Chapter
14―Show Me the Money
Preston
Bryant / Economics and taxes: Byrd to
Warner
Melanie
Scarborough / Overcharged and shortchanged
Brian
Gottstein / Editorial writers have it wrong
again on Virginia’s revenue surplus. Surprised?
Jim
Bacon / Taxula rasa
Jim
Bacon / A 19th century tax code for a 21st century
economy
Jim
Bacon / Growing the pie
L.
Douglas Wilder / Commission seeks ways to
streamline state spending
Ed
Lynch / Tactics of the tax-raisers
Paul
Goldman / Virginia’s Moody blues
Brian
Gottstein / State GOP calls for rebate of
tax surplus, sends a message to tax-raising
Republicans
Kerry
Dougherty / If spirit moves you to pay more
taxes, then heed this
Melanie
Scarborough / What gives in Virginia?
Taxpayers
Margaret
Edds / New slogan for Virginia: YLTAW
Chapter
15―Good Guv’ment
Mark
Warner / The sensible center
Linwood
Holton / Two-party democracy
William
B. Hopkins / Pride and ownership
Barnie
Day / Finding the “sweet spot”
Brian
Gottstein / Welfare reform in Virginia
hits 10 years
Claire
Guthrie Gastañaga / Women and legislative issues:
First we have to elect more women
Reginald
Shareef / Egocentric virus plagues Roanoke and
NRV
Tom
Moncure / Matt Dillon may have reigned in
Dodge, but John “rules” Virginia
L.
Douglas Wilder / “Big boys” want to keep
government in back pocket
Patrick
McSweeney / Government as big mother
Melanie
Scarborough / Siding against the law-abiding
A.
Barton Hinkle / Electing a mayor is not a
racist plot
Patrick
McSweeney / More government isn’t the answer
Chapter
16—Partisanship
Melanie
Scarborough / A party of few ideas
Jeff
E. Schapiro / Lott problems call to mind
record of others, like Allen
Tom
Moncure / Byrd is the word for Dems
Paul
Goldman / Why Warner and others didn’t back
Wilder
Chapter
17―Take the Fork in the Road
Joe
Bageant / from Sons of a Laboring God
Larry
J. Sabato / How much worse could it get?
Becky
Dale / The Matricardi case? Depends on
what “its” means, or should
Jim
Bacon / The uglification of Virginia
A.
Barton Hinkle / Are legislators doing all they
can to uphold the sanctity of marriage?
Patrick
McSweeney / Preserving the Electoral College and
other strange notions
George
W. Grayson / Virginia Senator Hunter B.
Andrews’s impact on the nation
A.
Barton Hinkle / High growth, heavy churn keep
developments spreading
Chapter
18―Off Broadway—Way off
Barnie
Day / Cool Head Luke
Chapter
19—Back to the Future
Will
Vehrs / Death of the essay?
Frosty
Landon / I love, I hate the Internet
Tom
Moncure / Thinning ranks of lawyer-legislators
is an unsettling trend
Barnie
Day / Tuesday morning coming down
Tom
Moncure / A quaint native that the smart set
disdains—the rural Virginian
Will
Vehrs / A dispatch from the future
Chapter
20—Close to Home
Jeff
Schapiro / Latimer was a friend and mentor
Bob
Gibson / Addressing an admired academic
Barnie
Day / Nancy Jane
Chapter
21—Hundred Mile Horizons
Darrel
Martin / The nutritional value of…sausage
Don
Beyer / Reflections on life in the sausage
factory
Jim
Gilmore / Promises made, promises kept
Charles
S. Robb / Some things I know
John
Chichester / Investing in tomorrow’s leaders
Gerald
Baliles / The primary ingredient
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