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Hey,
Tim, Jerry. Can
we talk?
What
gives, fellas? Good
grief, you’re running for governor.
Stop acting like high-schoolers.
What’s with this shrillness?
This noise? This
rah-rah tedium? Do
you really think this thing can be won by whoever
cooks up the smallest ideas and then screams loudest
about them? I’m
going to go over this one for you.
And I want you to listen to me.
Both of you.
Companies,
organizations, campaigns, ideas—nothing shrinks to
greatness.
Trying
to squeeze mileage out of who has the most ballot
signatures? Who
can put up the most signs at the Shad Planking?
What is with this behavior?
You’ve got to stop this.
Both of you.
Is
it your advisers? Your
strategists? Your
consultants? Are
they the ones giving you this advice?
Are they the ones telling you to act like
children? Take
away their fax machines and their e-mail codes and
sit them down and tell them that this is not a
campaign for student council.
Tell them that you’re not running for head
cheerleader. Tell
them that this campaign is not about who will be the
prom queen. Give
them a few hours of “time-out,” or make them go
sit in a corner, or whatever folks do with kids
these days. And
if that doesn’t work--fire them.
Fire them all.
Every single one.
And start over.
They’re not helping you.
And
what is this fuss about religion?
Is that the best you can do?
Please.
I’ve
got a news flash for you.
Come November, we’re going to elect as
governor the individual who seems to be the
steadiest, who seems to be the most mature, who
seems to be the most reasonable, who seems to be
best guided by common sense.
We know both of you are good human beings.
We know both of you are bright.
We know both of you have the credentials to
be governor of
Virginia
.
We know all of these things.
We just want you to start acting like it.
You’re not doing that now.
Your
campaigns don’t look like campaigns for governor
should look like. And
they sure don’t sound like they should sound.
What do I mean?
Well… let’s see.
How ‘bout if we bring up a topic that may
seem foreign to you at the moment.
Let’s call it, for lack of something
better—“issues.”
You
see, it is your response to the issues, facing all
of us as Virginians, the maturity, the common sense,
the understanding you bring to them, that will give
us the sense of well-being we want in our lives.
And it is this sense of well-being, or lack
of it, that will cause us to hit the “elect”
button one way or another in November.
How many signatures you turned in won’t do
it. How many
signs you put up at the Shad Planking won’t do it.
We don’t care how much money you’ve
raised. We
really—at base level—don’t care about your
religion. We
assume you have some of some sort and that’s
pretty much good enough for us.
And
let me just mention one other thing in passing.
Stop insulting us.
We do not believe either of you when you tell
us you’re going to cut taxes, but spend more on
transportation, and education, and law enforcement,
and Medicaid and mental health.
Sorry. We’re
not fools. We
do not believe you.
I
know telling the truth may seem counter-intuitive
some days. But
we’re adults. Go
on. Give it a
try. We can
take the truth.
And
you’re right. We
should have had this talk earlier.
That’s my fault.
--
April 25, 2005
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