Guest Column

Blue Dog Tales


 

 

 

Canine Chromatography

 

The Blue Dog dissects the political spectrum. 


 

First off, I may be part of a growing movement of conservative Democratic Blue Dogs, but it looks like Virginia's got some liberal Yellow Dogs still left and a few new alternative dogs on the political horizon.

 

As I've said before, it is getting down to when the last dog dies in our politically correct, monolithic society in the conservative Commonwealth.

 

Second, the two colors that started the whole thing are Yellow and Blue Dogs, which originated in the South (I'm told the states of Texas and Louisiana) to describe particular varieties of Democrats - liberal and conservative.

 

Yellow Dog Democrat: A Yellow Dog is a diehard staunch and extremely partisan Democratic loyalist. The term was used to describe Southern Democrats in the 1930s who would rather vote for a yellow dog rather than a Republican. Today he is a social liberal who would sooner vote for a three-legged dog than a Virginia Republican Party member. (Our Yellow Dog is an ex-federal worker, but he's not quite postal yet.)

 

Blue Dog Democrat: Fiscally conservative and socially a pragmatic, the Blue Dog is known for voting with the Republican Party when appropriate and right for his constituents. Our friends the Yellow Dogs say their counterparts the Blue Dogs are Republicans claiming to be Democrats. (Yours truly! I am what I am.)

 

But the Blue Dog also needs to introduce the other newer dogs to the pound: Red Dog, Atomic Dog, She Devil Dog, No Bull Dog, Dry Throat Dog and the Green Dog, whom I found on the Web and through e-mail adventures.

 

The Red Dog (GOP political maverick), Atomic Dog (Texas Technocrat), She Devil Dog (Democratic political consultant), Dry Throat Dog (conservative congressional lobbyist), No Bull Dog (anti-tax conservative) have been interviewed before under their pseudonyms and have agreed to regularly contribute to the Blue Dog Tales column with quotes.

 

All are anonymous comments, I might add with their Dog pseudonyms.

 

Red Dog: Is a political maverick and fiscally conservative General Assembly member who is the Blue Dog's favorite 'Pub (of course, next to conservative icon, Grover Norquist). Red Dog is a rising star within the Republican Party.

 

Atomic Dog: A Texas technocrat, which is a Democrat-in-Technology crisis; loves the broadband and is an avid blogger. He's the T-Dog Deluxe!

 

She Devil Dog: Describes herself as a fierce, independent, not to be messed with, unpredictable, frustrating, mind of her own, not easily categorized Virginia Democratic political consultant. Don't mess with this Ms. Dog! Because son, you know what they call a female dog?

 

Dry Throat Dog: Congressional deep throat source for information; she is a cradle-to-grave, conservative GOP member and lifelong lobbyist on Capitol Hill who loves conspiracies and knows all the political clowns on the hill.

 

Green Dog Democrat: She is focused (obsessively?) on environmental issues and works as a Democratic consultant on the West Coast. Green Dog Democrats tend to bite the right! Green Dog recently wrote, "I'm always open to a lively dialogue on politics." Hmm ... that's live electrical wires, you say?

 

No Bull Dog: Fiscally conservative Republican - low tax and limited government is his motto and is an anti-tax pledger with a slight libertarian streak. No Bull says, "I tells it like it really is (and ought to be)." Phew! He's talking the anti-tax talk, walking the anti-tax walk.

 

Now, that's some dog pound of political friends that I've collected.

 

But kidding aside, I'm looking for a few good dog comments and thoughts for my Blue Dog Tales column.

 

If you also want to join the Blue Dog Tales Dog Pound, then please send me an email at ValleyBlueDog@aol.com and tell me what kind of dog you are.

 

Potential new flavors for dogs of the political wars are ...

 

(The Atomic Dog and Yellow Dog assisted with these potential new flavors of dogs)

 

Green-Dog Democrat: Are environmentalist-caucus types, after all, "Yellow and blue do make green," don't you agree? That is to say, they're ideologically somewhere between blue and yellow dogs, or in other words, pragmatic thinkers. The distinguishing Democratic factor here is the hyphen between Green and Dog.

 

Mollycoddle Dog: A mollycoddle dog is a Mark Warner loyalist; a wimp and whiner and yip-yip, wiener-like dog, which loves breaking campaign promises and advocates higher taxes and larger state government. Working for the Nanny-state government is a requirement. Democratic volunteers who love pretending to be conservatives are desperately needed.

 

Pink Dog: Focused primarily on GLBT issues, such as AIDS awareness, advocates Gay-Straight Alliances and is pro-gay and lesbian marriages. Note: an Equality Virginia membership is required. Why a pink dog? Hey, why are flamingos pink, I say?

 

Camouflage Dog: Concerned with hunting and fishing rights only; NRA membership is required; please include requirement to own pickup truck with gun rack and NASCAR sticker on truck back window. Chewing tobacco is optional. Oh yeah, camo-dog sleeps with loaded 50-caliber handgun under the mattress.

 

Plaid Dog: Democrat who favors jobs over environmental issues, specifically when dealing with ignoring endangered species and turning their backs on any old forest tree harvesting. Think grunge-rock combination lumberjack who enjoys cheap beer and deer jerky.

 

Diversity Dog: Focused primarily on minority issues for some particular ethnic minority and advocates multiculturalism; One World philosophy of Globalism-Utopian-Universalism. Must love subsidizing the crooks working for the United Nations with our tax dollars.

 

Poodle Dog: Shock-jock Howard Stern follower who recently joined the Democratic cause as a result of his or her foul mouth, but yet inherent, God-given constitutional right to verbally abuse Americans over the nation's air and radio waves. Poodle Dogs barks a lot, while forgetting that our American liberty has responsibilities.

 

Sheep-less Dog: A political party hack or handler who leeches off campaigns and candidates for their entire life. Washed-up attorneys who hate courtrooms and political-science majors are needed.

 

Orange Dog Democrat: Generation X-er who is a Howard Dean political type; loves and hates the Democratic Party (DNC and DLC) at the same time and has application stamped and ready for membership to the National Green Party if Howard Dean leads them astray. Likes Ralph Nader, but refuses to vote for him.

 

Gray Dog: Focused (obsessively?) on senior issues; AARP membership required, advocates national health care and government-subsidized prescription drugs for ages 65 and above. It's the Me generation with gray hair (also see, Gravy-Train Dog)

 

Byrd Dog: Conservative Virginia Democrats who switched party affiliation to GOP or as an independent in 1970s due to liberal Democratic social issues and George McGovern nomination. Example: Rhino Russ Potts is an inverted Byrd Dog twice removed.

 

No Dog Democrat: It's a Zen or Taoist thing and is a supporter of free wireless Internet, alternative lifestyles and is a vegetarian. Think: "There is no cat, and no dog" when trying to reach this Cat-Dog nirvana. (Example: "Whom are you voting for, No Dog Democrat?" Answer: "Does it really matter?")

 

By the way, whatever happened to Toto, the little doggie in the movie Wizard of Oz?
 

-- April 11, 2005

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Steven Sisson is a fiscally conservative, Mountain-Valley Democrat, party activist, columnist and serious amateur genealogist. His work is published in the August Free Press  

His e-mail address is:

ValleyBlueDog@aol.com

 

Read his profile