First
off, I may be part of a growing movement of
conservative Democratic Blue Dogs, but it looks like
Virginia's got some liberal Yellow Dogs still left
and a few new alternative dogs on the political
horizon.
As
I've said before, it is getting down to when the
last dog dies in our politically correct, monolithic
society in the conservative Commonwealth.
Second,
the two colors that started the whole thing are
Yellow and Blue Dogs, which originated in the South
(I'm told the states of Texas and Louisiana) to
describe particular varieties of Democrats - liberal
and conservative.
Yellow
Dog Democrat: A
Yellow Dog is a diehard staunch and extremely
partisan Democratic loyalist. The term was used to
describe Southern Democrats in the 1930s who would
rather vote for a yellow dog rather than a
Republican. Today he is a social liberal who would
sooner vote for a three-legged dog than a Virginia
Republican Party member. (Our Yellow Dog is an
ex-federal worker, but he's not quite postal yet.)
Blue
Dog Democrat: Fiscally
conservative and socially a pragmatic, the Blue Dog
is known for voting with the Republican Party when
appropriate and right for his constituents. Our
friends the Yellow Dogs say their counterparts the
Blue Dogs are Republicans claiming to be Democrats.
(Yours truly! I am what I am.)
But
the Blue Dog also needs to introduce the other newer
dogs to the pound: Red Dog, Atomic Dog, She Devil
Dog, No Bull Dog, Dry Throat Dog and the Green Dog,
whom I found on the Web and through e-mail
adventures.
The
Red Dog (GOP political maverick), Atomic Dog (Texas
Technocrat), She Devil Dog (Democratic political
consultant), Dry Throat Dog (conservative
congressional lobbyist), No Bull Dog (anti-tax
conservative) have been interviewed before under
their pseudonyms and have agreed to regularly
contribute to the Blue Dog Tales column with
quotes.
All
are anonymous comments, I might add with their Dog
pseudonyms.
Red
Dog: Is a
political maverick and fiscally conservative General
Assembly member who is the Blue Dog's favorite 'Pub
(of course, next to conservative icon, Grover
Norquist). Red Dog is a rising star within the
Republican Party.
Atomic
Dog: A Texas technocrat, which is a
Democrat-in-Technology crisis; loves the broadband
and is an avid blogger. He's the T-Dog Deluxe!
She
Devil Dog: Describes
herself as a fierce, independent, not to be messed
with, unpredictable, frustrating, mind of her own,
not easily categorized Virginia Democratic political
consultant. Don't mess with this Ms. Dog! Because
son, you know what they call a female dog?
Dry
Throat Dog: Congressional
deep throat source for information; she is a
cradle-to-grave, conservative GOP member and
lifelong lobbyist on Capitol Hill who loves
conspiracies and knows all the political clowns on
the hill.
Green
Dog Democrat: She
is focused (obsessively?) on environmental issues
and works as a Democratic consultant on the West
Coast. Green Dog Democrats tend to bite the right!
Green Dog recently wrote, "I'm always open to a
lively dialogue on politics." Hmm ... that's
live electrical wires, you say?
No
Bull Dog:
Fiscally conservative Republican - low tax and
limited government is his motto and is an anti-tax
pledger with a slight libertarian streak. No Bull
says, "I tells it like it really is (and
ought to be)." Phew! He's talking the anti-tax
talk, walking the anti-tax walk.
Now,
that's some dog pound of political friends that I've
collected.
But
kidding aside, I'm looking for a few good dog
comments and thoughts for my Blue Dog
Tales column.
If
you also want to join the Blue Dog Tales Dog
Pound, then please send me an email at ValleyBlueDog@aol.com
and tell me what kind of dog you are.
Potential
new flavors for dogs of the political wars are ...
(The
Atomic Dog and Yellow Dog assisted with these
potential new flavors of dogs)
Green-Dog
Democrat:
Are environmentalist-caucus types, after all,
"Yellow and blue do make green," don't you
agree? That is to say, they're ideologically
somewhere between blue and yellow dogs, or in other
words, pragmatic thinkers. The distinguishing
Democratic factor here is the hyphen between Green
and Dog.
Mollycoddle
Dog: A
mollycoddle dog is a Mark Warner loyalist; a wimp
and whiner and yip-yip, wiener-like dog, which loves
breaking campaign promises and advocates higher
taxes and larger state government. Working for the
Nanny-state government is a requirement. Democratic
volunteers who love pretending to be conservatives
are desperately needed.
Pink
Dog: Focused
primarily on GLBT issues, such as AIDS awareness,
advocates Gay-Straight Alliances and is pro-gay and
lesbian marriages. Note: an Equality Virginia
membership is required. Why a pink dog? Hey, why are
flamingos pink, I say?
Camouflage
Dog: Concerned
with hunting and fishing rights only; NRA membership
is required; please include requirement to own
pickup truck with gun rack and NASCAR sticker on
truck back window. Chewing tobacco is optional. Oh
yeah, camo-dog sleeps with loaded 50-caliber handgun
under the mattress.
Plaid
Dog: Democrat
who favors jobs over environmental issues,
specifically when dealing with ignoring endangered
species and turning their backs on any old forest
tree harvesting. Think grunge-rock combination
lumberjack who enjoys cheap beer and deer jerky.
Diversity
Dog: Focused
primarily on minority issues for some particular
ethnic minority and advocates multiculturalism; One
World philosophy of Globalism-Utopian-Universalism.
Must love subsidizing the crooks working for the
United Nations with our tax dollars.
Poodle
Dog: Shock-jock
Howard Stern follower who recently joined the
Democratic cause as a result of his or her foul
mouth, but yet inherent, God-given constitutional
right to verbally abuse Americans over the nation's
air and radio waves. Poodle Dogs barks a lot, while
forgetting that our American liberty has
responsibilities.
Sheep-less
Dog: A
political party hack or handler who leeches off
campaigns and candidates for their entire life.
Washed-up attorneys who hate courtrooms and
political-science majors are needed.
Orange
Dog Democrat: Generation
X-er who is a Howard Dean political type; loves and
hates the Democratic Party (DNC and DLC) at the same
time and has application stamped and ready for
membership to the National Green Party if Howard
Dean leads them astray. Likes Ralph Nader, but
refuses to vote for him.
Gray
Dog: Focused
(obsessively?) on senior issues; AARP membership
required, advocates national health care and
government-subsidized prescription drugs for ages 65
and above. It's the Me generation with gray hair
(also see, Gravy-Train Dog)
Byrd
Dog: Conservative
Virginia Democrats who switched party affiliation to
GOP or as an independent in 1970s due to liberal
Democratic social issues and George McGovern
nomination. Example: Rhino Russ Potts is an inverted
Byrd Dog twice removed.
No
Dog Democrat: It's
a Zen or Taoist thing and is a supporter of free
wireless Internet, alternative lifestyles and is a
vegetarian. Think: "There is no cat, and no
dog" when trying to reach this Cat-Dog nirvana.
(Example: "Whom are you voting for, No Dog
Democrat?" Answer: "Does it really
matter?")
By
the way, whatever happened to Toto, the little
doggie in the movie Wizard of Oz?
--
April 11, 2005
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