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The
Goshfather
Starring...
Governor
Mark Warner as The Goshfather
Senator
John Chichester as Don Barzini
John
Bennett as Luca Brasi
Nick
Perrins as Michael Corleone
Jeff
Mitchell as Tom Hagan
Ellen
Qualls as Kay
and
Bill Howell as himself
The story begins...
It was the last day of the 2004 General Assembly
Session, and the Goshfather waited with his inner
circle in his third-floor office. In another
building, Don Barzini sat across the table from
Speaker Bill Howell, the House-Senate budget
conferees in their third day of eyeball-to-eyeball.
The senate, led by Barzini, had passed what Bill
Howell called the High Tax budget. The House, led by
Howell, had passed what Barzini called the Fairy
Tale budget. The Goshfather had made some
concessions. But no deal yet.
"Come on Bill, the game is up" said the
Don.
The Goshfather and Don Barzini had agreed on the
strategy last year, one known only to Luca Brasi.
First, they did the
dot.com thing to pad the revenue during
Warner's last 18 months. Then they did the
budget bombshell thing with all the new
spending, backed up by the $2 million
"educational" effort still in full-swing,
every school district in Virginia having spent the
promised money a dozen times over, the big new car
tax payment factored in by many, and of course, if
they needed another $2 million to make the case, the
elimination of the estate tax gave them some deep
pockets to hit.
"We want our new money," shouted 1,000
protesters outside where the conferees were meeting.
Luca Brasi and Michael had put them on buses and
told them what to do. "Save our schools, save
our children," they said.
Now, it was time for the final hammer of the
three-part strategy to work: The Don's threat to go
to the mattresses against Bill Howell.
"Billy, Billy, we have made a reasonable
offer," said Don Barzini, his hand-picked
conferees all well-known button men in the state
senate, tough as nails, standing behind him. "I
you don't accept, we have no other choice but to go
to the mattresses and see who has the stones."
The Don's plan was clear to Howell. Unlike the 2001
stalemate, the state budget was in its second year.
Thus, on July 1, 2004, a new budget year would
start. If there was no agreement this time on a new
budget, it would require the Gingrich vs. Clinton
option: closing down the government.
"Don't bluff me, Don," said Howell.
"The Goshfather will never let you go to the
mattresses."
The Don excused himself.
The Goshfather grew stiff as the phone line rang.
Tom Hagan answered.
"It is Don Barzini" he said, calling from
the budget negotiations. He gave the cell phone to
the Goshfather.
"Hello Don."
"Hello Goshfather." The Don took a deep
breath." Billy won't budge."
A look of disappointment crossed the Goshfather's
face. His cheeks turned white, his twitching fingers
reaching for a bottle of spring water. Kay looked at
Michael and then both looked at Tom Hagan. The look
on the Goshfather said it all.
"For gosh sakes, Don," said the Goshfather.
"I have given in on so many things
already."
"I don't disagree" said the wise Don.
"If it were me, I would have gone to the
mattresses a long time ago."
The mattresses! The Goshfather didn't like that
option. In 2001, when the Don had left Howell's
predecessor, Vance Wilkins at the budget negotiation
table without a deal, the state was in the first
year of the two year budget. Thus, there was a
budget in place, and so nothing had to be shut down.
This time, things would get a lot uglier.
"It will ruin Howell and the GOP," said
the Don, who now saw himself above politics, neither
a Republican nor Democrat, but merely one of Plato's
guardians.
"Gosh," said the Goshfather. "That's
like Chapter Eleven. I have had some companies do
that. Usually, I had Michael get me out at the top.
But you want
me to ride the thing all the way to the bottom? I
don't know, kinda of risky."
Barzini took a deep breath. He had always worried
that the Goshfather would falter at the prospect of
going to the mattresses. But it was still March, the
budget ran until June 30th. So the Don knew the
Goshfather would play out the string longer.
"Well, then," said Barzini, "you
either have to sweeten the deal or send over Luca
Brasi to make Howell an offer he can't refuse."
Goshfather didn't like that.
"Aren't you worried about the structural
deficit?" the Goshfather asked the Don. Both
men had made that a big part of their analysis in
recent years.
"I created it!" laughed the Don, as the
Goshfather chuckled nervously. "And you went
along despite the public image."
"I
know, I know" said the Goshfather.
"Gosh," he thought. He didn't want to wind
up like Ted Kennedy did on Medicare. The senator had
cozied up to the GOP, and thought he had an
understanding on the drug prescription bill. He
bolted from his party to cut that deal. Then,
according to Teddy's allies, he got double-
crossed
by Speaker Hastert and the House-Senate conferees.
"You really think Luca can, you know, do
it?" asked the Goshfather said.
The Don was his usual calm self. "It will just
be me, Luca and Billy in the room. We make him an
offer he can't refuse."
The Goshfather reached for his water bottle. He
turned to Michael. "The Don wants me to send
over Luca Brasi."
Michael was all for it. Kay whispered to Tom Hagan:
"What does that mean?"
Tom didn't want to tell her. "It's an NRA
thing" he said. But suddenly the lawyer in him
got nervous. "I am sure he meant send over Luke
-- from the Dukes of Hazzard -- because the Don
wants to take Bill for a spin in
The General."
Kay
nodded, getting his drift.
"Absolutely."
The Don spoken softly into the telephone. "Goshfather,
this is Virginia, not New Jersey. The Soprano thing
is crude, northern, archaic as our tax code. We
Southern boys are like LBJ, we sit down and reason
together. ... It worked for Sinatra," he added,
imitating LBJ by patting his back pocket.
"Let's see what he wants," the Goshfather
said. "Let's see if we can't meet him half
way."
So the Don went back and talked to the Speaker.
Bill would not back down. There was no give, no net
increase in general taxes. No way.
"You would look good in a Newt suit," said
the Don.
Bill laughed.
Howell and his allies starred at the Don and his men
across the table. "You know the Goshfather is
never going to agree to go to mattresses," he
repeated.
"But if I go to the mattresses, he has to back
me," said the Don.
"Why is that?" asked the Speaker. "He
is the guy who campaigned with the promise to never
let a stalemate happen again."
Barzini was not impressed. "So, what more you
want?"
Howell looked at his allies. "Try this, just
for discussion purposes. I ain't committing
anything. I will give you 1/2 cent more on the sales
tax. I will give you 7.5 cents more on the cigarette
tax. I will give you, Don, your gas tax, as my
offering to you, a gesture of respect. In return,
you give me all those budget goodies, your pledge to
work for Jerry Kilgore's election as governor,
elimination of the estate tax, 100 percent car tax
repeal starting in 2005, the food tax cut, the
rejigging of the income tax we talked about, we
don't raise any taxes on the seniors, and we make
all of it revenue neutral except for the new
cigarette tax which we dedicate to whatever you
want.
"In other words, the general fund side of
things is revenue neutral except for the money
raised by the cigarette tax increase. The gas tax
goes into a new fund controlled by appointees picked
by you and me, not the governor."
"Why would I take that deal?" said the
Don.
Howell smiled. "It is revenue neutral, but not
on a cash flow basis."
Barzini smiled. "In other words, since the car
tax thing is on a calendar year basis, the
Goshfather can still look good this year and through
his term."
Howell nodded. "I am not a communist,"
said the Speaker. "This is capitalism, so I
understand you got to make things worth someone's
while."
Barzini thought for a moment while looking at his
capos. They would back him no matter what. " So
I get my transportation money?" asked the Don.
Howell nodded. "That is key to a lot of your
backers," said the Speaker. "And you and I
control the all the money."
"You mean just the new gas tax money or all of
it?"
Howell smiled. "All of it. I have a budget
amendment drafted already."
The Don looked at his men. "But there is no new
money for K-12, for higher Ed, and we got the AAA
rating to worry about."
Howell understood. "Warner can not afford to
lose the AAA on his watch. I know that and you know
that. A shutdown scenario scares Moody's worse than
all our other problems."
The Don laughed. "The Goshfather had toured the
state promising huge new money for education. The
only money's he's raised has gone to the
"education" campaign."
"They get something short-term on K-12. But
hey,
if
you can't sell it, then I understand, everyone
has
to serve somebody, as Bob Dylan said," said the
Speaker.
The Don looked at his watch. "It's late. Why
don't you get some dinner, and let me talk to the
Goshfather and some other folks," he said.
The Speaker smiled. "Take all the time you
want. But tell the Goshfather that I am still not
sure I can sell the thing to my guys. State revenue
collections are booming, we hit the trigger on the
car tax phase-out anyway, and that $2 million he
spent pressuring my folks has only made them mad.
"I am giving the Goshfather a way to look
good," the Speaker continued. "By his
criteria, we have made the tax system fairer, we
will have enough money to keep the AAA rating, he
can put more money into education during his term --
after that it is Jerry's problem to deal with the
budget math -- and he gets his food tax cut, a big
Dem thing.
"A little sweetener would help me though."
-- December 1, 2003
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