Cuccinelli channels his inner Greenjeans

Ken the farmerFaceplant.  Every morning I open my Facebook page to see what my “friends” are doing.  Some are ranting about Obama, some are still ranting about Bush, several want people to adopt dogs of various breeds.  Bacon is plugging his latest column and quite a few people are looking for things in a game called Farmville.  This morning was a bit different.  Staring back at me from my computer monitor was Ken “Mr Greenjeans” Cuccinelli.  The Cooch has decided to solicit support for his jobs plan by being photographed in a field, wearing jeans and leaning against the back of a pickup truck.  I actually did laugh out loud when I saw the picture.

Paging Michael Dukakis.  I have nothing but respect for farmers or ranchers or cowboys (except the ones from Dallas) or whoever Cuccinelli was trying to impress.  I even own a place in rural Maryland surrounded by corn and soybean fields.  There are plenty of real farmers out there so I’m pretty sure I could recognize a farmer if I saw one.  Cooch … dude – you look like a Swedish accountant who hasn’t been outdoors since the late 90s.  Jim Bacon looks more like a farmer than you do.

Pointers for the next farming photo op.  Here’s the difference between what I have observed of actual farmers and your photograph.  Farmers don’t wear golf shirts.  Put on a tee shirt.  If you don’t own one find a skinny 14 year old and see if he’ll lend you his.  There is no Earthly way that farmers can keep their skin as white as yours.  Maybe hit a tanning bed or at least try some insta-tan.  A hat would also be nice.  I’d recommend “Bass Pro Shops” but anything other than a hat made by a golf equipment manufacturer will work.  No flat brims and take the store tag off before wearing it.  We’ll work on the urban look later, for now it’s the rural thing we’re trying to get right.

The real Farmer Greenjeans.  Ken, there is hope – the actor who portrayed Farmer Greenjeans on Captain Kangaroo wasn’t a real farmer either.  His name was Hugh Brannum and he grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and became a jazz musician before he took on the persona of Farmer Greenjeans.

Equal time.  Anybody who knows of a picture of Terry McAuliffe pretending to be something he is not should bring it to my attention.  For example, a picture of Terry pretending to be a person interested in public service would work.

- D.J. Rippert

12 Responses to Cuccinelli channels his inner Greenjeans

  1. My Lord , the guy looks quite pleasant in that Photo, not like Darth Vader at all!

  2. I see the Ripper is on a tear!

  3. actually a Star Scientific ball cap would be a nice touch!

  4. Nice. Maybe ask the AG to give you some of his fresh chicken’s eggs so you can paste them on your face… might make you look better, but not sure it would improve your credibility. They may still have several manure producing farm animals, so you could pick which one for your faceplant, it seems you do have preferences in that category.

  5. While this is good for a laugh, there is a little more serious angle to it…..

    Whether one likes it or not, politics is partly about image…..

    No matter how one wants to spin it, Cuccinelli is something of a dork. I could see a GOP ticket full of dorks…..

    Depending on who the D’s nominate, that could be a real problem for the GOP in the general…..

  6. so…. does that mean that McAuliffe is the “anti-DOrk”?


    but yes I agree.. in general much of the GOP is heavy duty DORK these days.

    The DORKs have very effectively rid the party of RINOs.

    • Ghost of Ted Dalton


      I know a guy who was a SW VA Republican Supervisor in the 90s. When I talked to him recently, he made the “dork” point. Odd coming from a former GOP officeholder.

      He said the GOP used to be a party that was full of middle, upper middle, and upper class “winners.” Folks who ran successful businesses, farms, law firms, accounting firms, etc.

      Now, it’s really degenerated into a party of the “losers” in life. As he said, go to any large GOP gathering and 2/3 of the people are just bitter. Their politics is simply a product of anger and resentment. These are people who have basically decided they hate the world and believe the GOP can magically reverse the course of humanity. They are Republicans b/c they hate the world and want to return to a mythical past.

      That’s where his dork analysis comes in…..McAuliffe, Chopra, and Herring/Fairfax…all convey a positive attitude about life and the future. God knows if the GOP doesn’t go with Snyder for LG, they’re going to have an entire ticket of pessimistic dorks.

      • Interesting point about Pete Snyder. He does seem like the real deal. As an aside, I’ve heard that Cuccinelli is actually a pretty good athlete – especially when it comes to basketball. However, you would never know that from his campaign’s promotional material. The only thing missing from most Cuccinelli photos is a beanie with a propeller on top.

      • re: “successful” – many were RINOs…. and the point about “losers” is interesting – and probably has a good bit of truth in it…. given the rancid tenor of politics these days which has ample dollops of blame, demonization, vitriol… and absence of dealing with issues that need some level of resolution.

        people are disaffected not only with govt but with institutions they used to revere. disillusioned and “p_ssed” off.

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